itsmisc

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:05:32 GMT

Aim: To look like this without sucking in, tucking highs or camera trickery. Then tone up and lose a bit more.

Then: look good in this:

And work with ladies like these:

OK

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 18:30:07 GMT

So I haven't been here in ages, I know it's bad and I'm sorry. I've tried so hard to kick the bad habbits and ignore it. To not lapse back into those thoughts and I knew that I should leave the group and leave live journal and just cut all ties. But I kept putting it off and now I think it's because really, I knew I wasn't over it. I'm still worrying about my portions, I'm still taking the diet pills and going to the gym even more than before and I still take every chance I can to look in the mirror and critcise myself. But despite it, I'm trying to change it all and do this for more possitive reasons. I took up wrestling, because then I have to go to the gym, I have to watch my diet and I have to be slim. Hoping that, I could keep the thoughts, but change them, make sure I eat three meals and what have you. But maybe in a way, it's a chance to argue if anyone doubted me 'oh I'm off to the gym to train' 'I can't eat that - wrestling diet'.
Maybe I'll never be over it, who knows.

I still feel so imperfect and it all feels so hard. Lately, to be vague, I've been so confused, stressed, lonely and unsatisfied. I don't know what I want and I'm questioning to motives for avoiding things. I'm deffinetly fighting a battle. I keep getting ill, now I'm seriously injured (hernia and deep cut to my hand). Hand being the worst, I can't do anything, can't wrestle, can't swim (in my new bikini) can't go to the gym, can't even wash properly!

GAH, there;s so much going on. But if I want to get somewhere with my wrestling I need to get my focus back and stop eating so much! I just looked at some pictures from this time last year and I've lost so much weight, I can't put it back on! I will buy some size 8 shorts and I will get into them, then I'll tone into a sexy wrestler and travel the world.

I'll give more detail when I have more time and my thinking's more straight. Just wanted to apologise for being away and let you know that I am back.

Trailer Trash

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 11:52:37 GMT

Eating snowflakes with plastic forks
And a paper plate of course
You think of everything
Short love with a long divorce
And a couple of kids, of course
They don't mean anything

Live in trailers with no class
Goddam i hope I can pass
High school means nothingg
Taking heartache with hardwork
Goddam I am such a jerk
I can't be anything

And I shout that you're all fake
And you should have seen the look on your face
And I guess that's what it takes
When comparing your bellyaches

And it's been a long time
Which agrees with this watch of mine
And I guess that i missed you
And I'm sorry if I dissed you

Sun, 02 Sep 2007 09:53:17 GMT

Just an update on the lard. I can't believe I thought I was looking better. These pictures are a real wake up call!

I know I'm all lardy. There's horrible fatty bits poking out every where. It's alright, I'm just more determined to get it off now!

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 10:28:50 GMT

So update?

Weight wise things are ok, I've avoided snacking and giving into cravings and these diet pills need to work, still haven't found my gym clothes though. I've been told I look like I've lost weight too which is good. And clothes that were tight aren't anymore. Plus college starts soon, which makes it very easy to miss meals. So I'm feeling ok about all that.

Generally in life though, things aren't so good. I was going to kill myself last week, but was talked out of it. To be honest, I don't think I'd have done it anyway, I can't be that selfish. The whole time I was thinking 'how can I ruin other peopls lives because I'm not happy with mine?' but still, I got closer to doing it than ever before. I had a note, wrote out details on how to handle bank accounts and stuff, I was really ready. So I'm going to give a gift to my friend, I suppose I owe him my life. But not giving into death doesn't mean that life's any more enjoyable, but I guess it's just something I'll get round to being ok with over time. I'm just not there yet.

There's vbeen some worrying things going on too. Some guy got really agressive with me and tried toget me to move to India with him. I think he was actually involved with the white slave trade, which was scary. But I can handle myself so it;s alright. And more things like standing on a train while twats go 'oh she looks like a good fuck' it's not a compliment, infact, it does nothing for myself esteem. I'm not beautiful, no one ever says that. Just good looking enough for one night. And that's not good enough for me.

Mum's been getting suspcious about my eating. I told her I'm not anorexic but lose my apatite when I'm depressed. So she doesn't know how depressed I get or how bad my eating is. But it's getting easier to not eat and easier to lie, which I know isn't a good sign, but it sure makes things easier for me.

I'm reading a book at the moment "To Die For" it's biographical and about anorexia. Half diaries from someone who has it and half diaries of someone who cares for them and watches the effects of anorexia. It's pretty good.

Yeah that's about all for now. Cheer up smuggly

x x

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 17:38:55 GMT

I don't know what to do.

Part of me wants to just get over everything that's wrong. But then another part of me just wants to accept them and give in. And while I'm feeling both these things, I can't decide which one to go for. I want to lose weight, but I don't want to anorexia. I want to just eat what I'm given, but I know I can't do it without counting every calorie. I try thinking 'I'll just eat normally and not snack' but it doesn't work out that way because then it's 'well I'll normally not snack so I'm not doing anything different, I should eat less in general' It's unavoidable. It's always going to be a thought I have and I hate that.

But it's not just food, it's everything. I want to leave home, but I don't. I want new clothes, but I don't, I want to drive, but I don't. I want a job, but I don't, I want a boyfriend, but I don't. I want to go back to college, but I don't.

Just everything is a constant battle of 'I want it, but do I really?' 'I should...but should I really?'

Nothing;s ever simple, and not even in the way live in general is complicated, it's all so much more so. And I have the diet pills and I'd feel bad having them and not using them so that's pretty much me set for 5 months. And I know it's no good saying 'after that I'll stop' because I can't. It's 5 months to get more entangled in things.

I'm so frustrated and annoyed with myself. GAH!

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 21:42:53 GMT

oh gosh. Eaten far too much. eating 'normally' is so hard yet so easy. It's too easy to get carried away. This is not a binge, this is spending a week or two attempting to make my mum think I'm eating nornally. Even though I'm not. Even though I eat 9cal jelly for breakfast and use ryvita instead of bread. Even thought I can't touch anything without trying to work out how many cals are in it.

But on the upside, got in 25" waist jeans today. They didn't exactly do up, but I got my fat bum in them. I'm just desperately hoping I won't gain too much. It's annoying though. today I've had 3 cookies, a cake, baternburg, hot chocolate, milky coffee, a bag of crisps...oh dear.Too, too fat!

I'm rank, I know, but I'm buying scales.

Keep possitive

x x

grr!

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 16:46:32 GMT

I mentioned I was hungry and my mum went "right I'm going home while she's hungry because I'm worried she's not eating enough" that teamed with my brother means I'm going to eat 'normally' for a couple of weeks. Then mum should stop complaining, my brother should get out the habbit, they won't complain at work and I'll be left alone come college time.

I just need to remember this is not an excuse to binge! Surely I won't gain more than 4lb in 2 weeks?

I'll still be on here supporting everyone

Good luck guys
x x

ahh!

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 11:53:07 GMT

So there was me yesterday saying 'yeah no ones even noticed I'm eating less' and today my mum says "I think I'm going to have to start watching what you eat".WHAT?! I eat plenty. All it was, was that I had a friend round who was still asleep so I said I'd wait until he woke up so that he wasn't eating alone, because i know if that was the case then he wouldn't eat and I didn't want that. But I was already halfway through toast and pate!

This is the closest I've ever come to crying about food. It's stupid. It's not even the food it's that my mum won't let me have control of my own food. Seriously, my friends fuck off and I can't do anything, we lose the house and I can't do anything, I can't get a job for the life of me and now I can't chose what to eat? I'm not even under 9 stone yet, it's hardly as if I'm anywhere near a worrying weight.

Why is she doing this? I don't need loads of food, 2 yogurts fill me up, that's why I eat that. And I haven't slept in nearly 30 hours.

ahh todays such a load of shite!

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 10:38:29 GMT

Anyone else think Lou Doillon looks amazing?

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 12:22:33 GMT

Ok so this is just where I'll be keeping a list of UK calories for people to refer to. I'll update it wherever I can but I'll go from memory now. I had a book full of lists but I had to throw it out incase someone found it when we moved.

Tesco instant jelly - 36 cal (for whole packet)
Special K chocolate cereal bar - 80 cal (lowest in the range)
Sainburys cup-of-soup - 36-96 cal (depends on flavour)
Hartly jelly - 8cal
Asda rye biscuits - 37cal each
Goodness cereal bars - 59cal
330ml Diet coke - 1.5cal
Water - 0cal (duh)
2 rye biscuits + peanut butter = 80 cal
2 rye biscuits + lettuce + beetroot + cucumber - 100cal
Calypo ice lollies - 0.2 cal
250ml Alpro light soy milk - 52cal
Highlights hot chocolate - 35cal
1 slice Nimble bread - 42cal
20g Apple crisps - 67 cal
1 slice German Rye bread - 95cal
Snack-a-jack salted popcorn - 49cal
Alpen light cereal bar - 59cal
Fruit bag - 49 cal
Slin-a-soup - 60cal
Tesco cucumber & sip - 73 cal (i think)
Tesco salt and vinger rice cakes - 35cal
Tesco sushi - 144cal
0.1 fat shape yoghurts/weight watchers yoghurts - 50cal
Vegetable bullion - 10cal
Cottage cheese per quater - 45 cal
Jacket potato - 138 cal
1 pot Pitti fillu puree/yoghurt - 11.5 cal
Half pach Tesco sugarsnap peas - 35cal
Ribena light - 8cal

ahh soryr, can't remember much, But I'll make a big fat list

x x

Sat, 04 Aug 2007 22:20:52 GMT

Ok, so I haven't been on for ages because we were homeless and what little time I had on the internet had to be used for 'work'. I've put on weight, not surprsing as I haven't done much exercise but have uped calories generally and on top of that had doughnuts, fruit tarts and other disgusting things. Needless to say, I lost will power and need to get it back.

I'd apreciate comments on where you think needs work and such. Hopefully they'll work as a reminder too. I HAVE to look right for the end of September. I need to get control!

So, apologies if anyone's eating dinner or anything...

So yeah, I'll get to the gym again soon. Start working out more, eating less. I got my bike back so I can use that. And I'll weight again soon so I know how far away from my 123 I am. But I'm down to a UK 8 which is an improvement.

Hope you're ok
x x

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 13:34:31 GMT

He's never going to like me. I don't know why I bothered letting myself get excitted even though at the same time I was saying 'it won't work out' It won't. Good things don't happen to good people. I want one good thing in my life, one thing to make me happy, and it won't happen. Instead, we'll talk like friends, he'll get a thin pretty, smarter, older girl and I'll have to be all polite around her.

He's just gorgeous and charming and lovely. I want to be a better person for him. I want to make him happy and take all the bad things away. I want to share secrets and hold hands and show each other little hide outs. I want him to think I'm beautiful and to let me call him mine. I want him to smile because of me. I want so much and it hurts to know that he can make my heart beat faster without knowing it. That I wake up smiling and thinking of him, but I'll never be more than just a girl at the show.

alright

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 13:34:19 GMT

I have to stop looking at picture of him, it's not helping. But he is gorgeous!

But, good news, we might have a house soon! More good news - I've lost half a stone! I haven't been to the gym for 3 weeks, but I've lost 7lb. Go me! Only 10 more to go! :D and I did 20mins on corss trainer, 10 mins bike, 10 mins rowing and 120 leg exercising. Going to go to the hostel, do my physio and some stomach crunches.

I am waxed, I am clean, i have new clothes and the fella's phone number. I'm just worried he's only going to be interested in me on a business level and not a personal one. But i'm going dressed my best, and I guess I can't do more than that! A professional relationship is better than none I suppose, i'll let you know how it works out!

Smile and hope for more sun!

love x x

Boys!

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 11:01:04 GMT

OH he's lovely! And gorgeous. I love the sound of his voice, I could - have - listened to it for hours. And his cheeky smile and lovely legs and imagination...

It's stupid, we met 2 days ago, but I'm so loved-up. I'm seeing him again saturday, could, for all I know, be the last time. Or I could finally get something good going for me and he'll like me. No one's interested, which is annoying because I could talk about him all day. I'm resenting having to pay for the internet as it means i can't watch him all day. But there's always tomorrow. Hopefully he'll write back by then!

Oh mister, i'll be that girl you sing about one day - just wait!

Love?

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 12:51:51 GMT

Oh gosh. I met THE most lovely guy last night, I can't get over it. I'm blushing and wondering around in a day dream. He's beautiful, and interesting and talented and charming and just generally just glorious and everything you hope for when meeting a new person. Even if we did start off with one of the weirdest conversations ever, it's memorable, that's all. And he gave me money of his Cd 'because it's you' even though we'd just met, followed by a big hug. And I swear he was looking at me whilst singing, but I could be wrong. He's probably gay and/or taken, but it's nice to believe that neither's true and he's interested in me. Which I'm sure is a deluded fantasy certain to end in disapoitment, but I'm not that fussed right now.

He's foreign, but in a delightful way that puts a gorgeous accent of everything he says. And he gives all these sly little looks! Plus he seems to have time for everyone. He also still has my pen, so I can a good excuse to go talk to him again. I had a few drinks so hopefully I can say that's why I was blushing and that it's nothing to do with him.

Oh, I'm so over excitted. I barely know him but could go on talking for ages. Lets hope it works out! I'll shut up and go into daydreams now.

bye

x x

Stop eating!

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 13:43:04 GMT

Oh gosh I'm eaten so much the last few days. Well, I suppose it's not been too bad, like thursday I got away without eating lunch because I was 'too upset to eat' but then yesterday I had a massive baked potato with beans and cheese - what was I thinking?!

And my back's still sore, so no gym. Which means, if I can't exercise, I have to focus on not eating and stop giving in! So far I've had 2 satsumas and a ryvita with peanut butter. I think I'm under 120 with this, which is ok. Now to see if i can avoid dinner!

That's it really, no complaints, just a need to think possitive.

x x

P.S. does anyone thinking it's possible to have a one-off gay relationship?

Lost

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 23:06:40 GMT

I feel so like everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. No friends, no job, no home, over eating, no money. My self confidence, belife, worth is all fading. Yesterday I went to MAC at oxford street, and got a lipstick that i thought was red, got out and realised it was pink, took it back and they wouldn't let me return it and I cried. How fucking pathetic. I cried, there and then. All the way down oxford street, on the tube and sitting at kings x I cried, over a lipstick. How humiliating. But I couldn't stop. I don't think it was the lipstick. I think it was just enough to push my over, what with everything else. And bar some fish my mum made me had I didn't eat. But I drank loads of water, did 2 detoxes and LOADS of walking, I even opted for the broken escilator on the underground so it should work out ok.

Today O planned to do roughly the same thing, but it didn't work. Mum made me have a cereal bar for breakfast. Then I made lunch myself, I couldn't work out if it was just wanting to distract myself from the work or lack of concentration or just weakness, but I finished the pack of noodles I started the other day so that was 161 then I had a milkshake when I was out, but went for skimmed milkshake so hopefully it's not too much. But then I had 2 horrible, cheesy, greasy slices of pizza (ok fine, 3) with stuffed crust THEN a chinese take away. ech. I HATE days like this, family get in the way when I was doing so well. I've even said I'm trying to loose the extra weight I put on (they don't know how hard I'm trying, but anyway) yet they shove this shit down my throat? And tomorrow we're eating out for breakfast, no idea how I'll manage that.

However, my brown trousers are fitting better and I got my jump suit yesterday, which already looks better than it did last week. Love it! I'm going to eat as little as I can, exercise as much as I can and look for a job. I need to get my mind off things and stop making excuses. I'm just so over emotional at the moment. Rediculous - NICE ONE FATTY.

Today

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 22:28:11 GMT

Today I'm quite confused, but not in a bad way. I was planning to come and say how well I'd done (under 400 cal!) However, feeling good that I'd kepyt to my aim, my mum then insisted I ate with them, which ruined it. A quater pounder burger, with cheese, mayonaise, a bun and fried potato! Horrible, and there was literally grease running down my chin, which was SO disgusting. And then I seem to have gone 'well, if thing are ruined anyway' and had a scotch egg, 2 ryvita with salady/colslaw stuff ontop, soya milkshake and possibly other stuff, I don't know how it happened. And I don't feel awful, which is the confusing thing. Is this me being lazy? Getting over the anorexia? Just not caring all of a sudden? Or will I feel horrid come tomorrow? Only time will tell I guess.

On the plus, I got more diet pills today! So that's good and while I was getting them I found a detox pack which wasn't even £5 and it's brilliant. 3 sachets a day, detoxes, comes with exercise suggestions and all sorts! It's meant to stop hunger pains, but I haven't found that. They're 40 cals each though! So for the next 3-6 days (depending if I decide to do 1 or 2 lots) my food intake will revolve around these. As, when you're only having 400 cal a day, to loose 120 cal to this detox is alot to loose! But I guess it'll do ,more good than bad and it's only for a few days!

BUT I went to the gym to join my first class, there was me and some old lady, that was it, so instead of doing an hour class, they cut it to half an hour! Which is less exercise AND the pool is closed indeffinetly so I couldn't go swimming. And despite the class being cut short, it took over an hour so i didn't have time to go do other stuff which was annoying, but I've done lots of lifting and I can do loads more next week which is ok. And it was spin class which works you alot. And I can sill do cycling, skipping etc at home. It'll work ok I'm sure, and I've got increasing determination

I think I'll keep pictures of the people I like to remind me how my body could be. Possibly I'll do 400 as best I can then if I go over, try not to do it too much, but not panick, because I don't want to be a bad influence on my brother or upset him when he makes me cakes and suff! But I think I'll fast as best I can in the day so I can east well at dinner with mum.

Yeah, I think that's it, basically, things not going to plan but it's all a changing of attitudes, it's only for 6 weeks, I can keep this up! Woo and..things bye x x

stuff stuff. But

Time?

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 22:10:02 GMT

Hmm, time seems to be a problem. Actually, a few things do. I just realised how much time I'm spending in the proana community, which made me annoyed that they still haven't accepted me - I want to be able to talk to all the lovely people there! GAH

    But yeah, I have a new aim, basically, I want this: http://www.topshop.com/wcsstore/TopShop//images/catalog/14Q04QRED_normal.jpg and I have decided to use my money and get it, went in today to check what size i'd need etc. Didn't even try the 8. The 10 (US 6) was ok, but really a bit tight on the thighs - those damn things causing me problems again! But if I got for the 12, I'll feel awful and it'll be even more baggy on the top! My body is so awkard, even with 32FF boobs I'm about a 6 ontop, it's my rank hips (read: love handles) and massive thighs that are holding me back. BUT enough complaining, point is this: I will buy it in the 10 and put up with it for now, maybe not wear it much, but then I have an aim - to look good in that. Which is excellent, I think I need a visable aim like that. Then hopefully I can get the black in an 8!

   I have decided, (thanks to a bit of help from losertown.com) that I will be eating no more than 400cals a day for the next 6 weeks. With that, I should be able to reach 8st. 11lb for festival time! Then, I can up the cals a bit to just maintain it. Sounds good. And quite easy as long as I avoid snacking. So what I might do is include snacks in the day plan and keep them with me so i can snack throughout the day, rather than have meals which should make things easier. Although, once again - family are a big problem! I need to eat enough in front of them to stop them from getting suspicious, yet little enough to keep in my 400cal. So I figure, I'll eat no more than 200 cal during the day, which leaves me 200 for dinner when I'm with the family, which should work out alright? And I think I'll invest in some Tesco jellies which is 36cal for the full family size, which I doubt anyone will realise, and then it looks like I'm getting involved with desserts, even though I'm really not! And I'll keep a record of what I'm eating including drinks and sauces.

Of course there is exercise too, I can only do a limited amount because of my joint problems. But in another way they're working as a plus, my muscles are naturally over stretched, which means i have no need to warm up and stretch at the gym, which will give my upto another 20 mins doing proper exercise! I haven't been to the gym in over 2 weeks, which i feel awful about, but the first week i could hardly walk and had to live with it, but last week I was just full of excuses. So I'm trying to make up for it, I've done loads of walking about town, then did an hour 20 min walk, which was about 7 miles, plus the walk to and around sainsburys (where I went shopping for low cal food), which is a good start. Tomorrow I'm going to a spin class and swimming. I don't think I'll have much time the next week or so to go to the gym, what with moving, so I'll find an excuse to go for a bike ride or a long walk.

I wish I had more will to do crunches and stuff, I kep intending to do them on a daily basis and never get round to it, but I'll really try now, I have a goal outfit, goal wight and goal date set so it shoudl work out. And I'm glad I have this site. It's a place where I can rant about all this, as I wouldn't, couldn't tell anyone I know, I don't want them to know this side of me. I don't want to write it down where they might see. It helps stop the same things going round in my head if I can do this too, it's all good.

I've picked up a little A6 notepad which I now carry everywhere with me. In the back I keep a callory count of food, amount, number of cals, for an easy refrence. Then throughout it is aims, tips, suggestions, reminders and helpful phrases. So if I'm ever unsure or worried, or can't remember something, I have that book with me.

It's just this visable weigt that I've put on in the last fortnight that I want to lose, then it'll be more gradual after that. In the meantime I'm going to keep myself busy to avoid wanting to snack or what have you. And I've written a list of food to avoid where I can (pasta dishes may be unavoidable) and things to avoid at all costs (fizzy drinks, crisps, fatty foods) and I need to find cals in alcohol too. Toast and veggie mite is only 102cal and yet enough to fool the family! They really are a pain, my nan just constantly goes on and on! 'Do you want to get food?' 'No thanks, I just ate' 'No you didn't' I HATE that she does that, why do people try and tell you what you know and stuff, when they don't know. Maybe I did you stupid bitch, don't contradict me. GRR it's SO ANNOYING, don't assume I'm lying to you! Anyway, I don't want to eat, she complains and won't eat unless I eat. And I know if she doesn't eat with me, she won't eat at all, which is awful because she's so ill. So I have to eay, just so she'll eat too! Like today, cauliflower cheese - for breakfast, how rediculous! My family are constantly trying to shove food down my throat, or give me massive portions and I don;t want it - I want to fast most the day! But I can't have them seeing that. Hopefully they'lljust get used to me eating less and won't think anything of it! But we;re all going to be in one room, getting up at the same time so i don't know how easy it'll be to avoid breakfast and stuff.

Oh, and I need to get more diet pills! I meant to get some weeks ago and forgot! I said 3 more months, starting tomorrow I'm back on them. And I'm going to get some low cal fry foods and keep a secret stash. I know it's bad to be hiding food, but maybe then they don't notice that I'm only getting low cal stuff, then when I'm out, I can always have food on me and know what's in it to avoid buying wrong things. It's only 6 weeks, surely I can do that much? And I'm so looking forwar to thursday - shopping, London, friends, TV show, and the joy of being out all day, with no one to watch what I'm eating and I'm meeting people at apropriate times to say 'I'll eat when I'm out' or 'I've just eaten' so I might be able to get away with alot less than 400 cal! Come on june - and summer, I might actually be able to wear shorts and skirts and swimming costumes! Which is ace as I want to wear more outragous stuff when I dJ and have the extra confidence when I'm talking to bands - knowing I'm slim and don't have to ajust my clothes to hid my love handles. I'd love to look like Sure Denim - I know no one else who can look so good in a lycra jumsuit.
http://www.flex.at/typo3temp/pics/bd818034fa.jpg
http://photos-746.ak.facebook.com/ip002/v51/67/72/286600349/n286600349_138746_4114.jpg
Amazing

I think that's about it, I feel better now. I realise no one will probably read this, but there we go, that's how things are now.

Oh nice!

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 10:21:25 GMT

So, I've decided to go for a real, fast loosing diet. I stopped caring, and within a week I put on some very visable weight. Which I don't like! I haven't been to the gym in two week and I'm worried I'll be too busy to do it this week - any tips on how to get exercise done discreetly at home?

Anyway, that's not the point, we had a load of diet coke in the fridge, and I finally got looking at it, after wondering why so many anna girls were drinking it - surely it's really fattening? Nope! 1.5 cal, so that would explain it. So the plan was to have 2 cans a day plus 3-4 green teas and water, for a week, plus exercise - must work? Only, I then wondered about the Irn Bru in the fridge and would you know it - 0.7 cals! Fantastic! I think I'll have the diet coke today then the rest of the week, I'm on the bru - I can't believe how great it is!Plus, there's the bonus that it really fills you up!

I'm only doing this until i get back to how I was before I put this weight back on, then I'll go onto a more healthy, gradual weight loss. I don't even want to look at the scales until I'm sure I'm under 10 stone. Aim is 9 stone - 8 stone 11lb, which is doable. And I'm giving myself until September, so no rush.

Jolly good stuff. Oh and any tips to get rid of thigh fat specifiaclly, would be uch apreciated.

x x

You know what?

Tue, 15 May 2007 20:44:08 GMT

There's times, like now, when I wish I didn't think sucide was such a selfish act

What's going on?

Sun, 13 May 2007 21:18:05 GMT

So I look like I've lost weight, but my clothes don't fit as well and I've gained half a stone. Whilst looking at the cosmo diet club I found out I'm almost a stone over weight! How did that happen?! I need to lose 11lb to be a healthy weight and 2 marks on my bmi, which is high. And It's not out of perspective or anything, this is medically recmended guidelines. It's awful!

So here's the plan:

Where possible I will have 3 lemon waters a day and 2-3 green teas
Low cal breakfast
light lunch (one mushroom cup of soup is about 42 cal)
Dinner, here is where I need to not eat everything just because it's there.

And no snacking! I think I've been very deluded in telling myself I've done well when I haven't. 3 meals and that's it. One treat a week and if having trouble then some nuts or one square of dark chocolate (I have blood sugar and anaemia problems)

Plus I'll be taking all my supliments as well.

Then there's of course drinking loads of water, which I seem to have gotten out of the habbit a day. And my diet tablets, but I'm only continuing with them for another 2 months.

Then of course, exercise. I did 3 hours the other day, which is more than I'd ever done but it was fine because I could have done longer if I'd had the time. But I'm going to join classes so hopefully people will motivate and I'll be able to target the problem areas easier. But with joint/muscle problems it's so hard to get toned! But I'l make sure I go to the gym when I have time and I'm not rushed to do a couple of things then leave. And get walking in and the likes. Really go for it.

Basically, I'm not too fussed about appearance, I never really have been. It's always been about fitness and I'm so healthy anyway that I have to be extra careful. Joint problems have now caused me to become vegetarian so this should make things easier. Then down to a healthy weight and fitness level then maintain it. If nicer thighs appear in the process, then all the better!

Right so that's it really. I can use this as motivation to remember what needs to be done, maybe get a band or something to remind me not to snack and not over do desserts and stuff like that! Walk wherever I can and smile! Just keep busy and keep drinking! Super!

I can't decide

Thu, 10 May 2007 13:42:23 GMT

If things are good or bad at the moment. I could go into detail but it's all a round about way of saying the same thing. I guess so much had gone wrong in the last couple of years that I'm too busy holding onto the good things to notice the bad, probably best though.